Discipline

For some reason, I have had this unseemly mindset that discipline, work, and putting in effort are a bad thing. It has been there, just under the surface, for a long time. But I am becoming more aware of it, and I finally have come to the realization that I cannot accept it anymore. I don’t want it, and I am going to do something about it.

It is true that work takes effort, but it is equally true that effort, when applied using discipline, is capable of creating a product that is worth as much, if not more, to the effort that was required to produce it. A gem. Like all the pressure applied to a piece of coal that makes it into a diamond, discipline can be difficult and is not comfortable. But I am learning that what it creates is something that so adds to who I am, and I would never trade that.

This September, I started my first dance class ever: beginner’s ballet for young adults. I am not really a fit person, so it has been pretty tough, though it is definitely fun at times. Tonight during class was a turning point for me. I noticed that I had such positive thoughts running through my head during our pretty difficult exercises. They were casual observations to myself that the pain I was feeling was worth it, as it was going to produce something good. Now, I have never so naturally had these thoughts, so I was pretty pleased. And it’s true. Discipline is hard, but when applied to something good, it has to power to produce something amazing. There is something awesome waiting at the end of the long, painful road to get there.

I remembered a Bible verse about Jesus that draws on the same principle:

“…for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” ~ Hebrews 12:2, ESV

Christ did the same thing. He endured awful suffering, but He knew there was a joyous result that would come at the end, so He did it even though it was really hard (that, by the way, is a total understatement). Jesus is pretty amazing!

            Putting in effort may be difficult, but the end result is worth it. Rather than shying away from the pain of discipline, I know now that I want to welcome it. Not because the pain of stretching my tight muscles is a thing I like, but because every time I endure it I will be strengthening my ability to discipline discipline myself, and making it easier to do. I will be exercising my ability to accomplish, bringing me that much closer to doing the things I want to (and need to).

            I realized that my attempts in the past to make myself do my homework have been well-intentioned – hey, whatever works, right? The ways I tried to motivate myself didn’t work, however. I would try to make homework fun, sometimes by trying to convince myself that the work was fun (easy), or by rewarding myself with yummy food. It didn’t take long for the part of me that doesn’t like exerting effort to see through those tricks. I know I didn’t completely finish that assignment, but the chocolate was right in front of me…

It’s true that when I get into homework, or start writing about something I am really interested in, it does get fun, or at least exciting. I love it when the gears start turning! However, the discipline to get there is not exactly fun. It is not easy to respond to an alarm and get myself out of bed just so I can do homework. It is not fun to make myself concentrate for hours on end. However, the result of discipline is that my character becomes refined. As I discipline myself, I will become more reliable, more willing, more grown up and more mature. That by itself is pretty worth it! I have to take it seriously, though, to get there. Lying to myself that homework is fun (ie. in the sense that it is easy) is not true, and it doesn’t work (trust me). Tangible rewards can be a good motivator – not saying there is anything wrong with that (haha, today I rewarded myself by crocheting one long row of my scarf every time I finished a chapter of my book). It’s becoming much more clear to me, though, that discipline is a heart thing – that the motivation for it has to come from inside. 

            I write this as a 20 year old who doesn’t feel grown up. I know my attitude has been pretty lazy for about as long as I can remember. But right now, I am realizing that choosing to have a better attitude can actually carry me forward in life. That probably sounds super cliché, but I am okay with that if it means that I can start living with actions that actually reflect my intentions. I may intend to study hard and get good grades, but to do so actually means changing a lot of things about my lifestyle – and that is not so easy. However, it is doable, and the result is a better average! And it is pretty incredible for me to actually think that, for once, I can do something that is above mediocre, just by changing the way I approach the things I have to do in life.

            Sometimes what has held me back from accomplishing something is the fear, or just the general impression, that I am not good enough; that I’m not smart enough, or might get it wrong. However, if I do fail initially at something, it doesn’t mean at all that I am worth less. I am still a precious person, just learning to develop myself – and my skills – more and more. Whether it is a new skill, like learning ballet, or an old enemy, like homework, I can make the choice (sorry to sound cliché) to face my fears with courage and valour. Courage, it has so often been said, isn’t the same as not having fear; it is doing the right thing even though the fear is there.  I am sure the knees of great heroes have knocked together when they were faced with the thing they feared most, but facing it surely has made great stories and changed the course of history again and again. Conflicts are what make stories climactic; problems are what fuel them. It is when the main character triumphs over their fears and does the right thing that we, the listeners (or movie-goers) cheer. Sucky situations are like the grain of sand in the oyster; there would be no pearl without them.

I also grew up without really learning to discipline myself in anything, for the most part. But it is true that just because I didn’t get a head start doesn’t mean I can’t run the race, and run it to the best of my ability, too. We are all on our own journeys, and it is a gift to be able to live. I don’t have to be the strongest person ever, or the smartest or the bravest, but I do have to at least strive to be the best me that I can. I in no way say this to make anyone feel guilty. I have felt a lot of guilt over the years for not doing the things I should, like applying myself to homework or doing my best in school, or being a friend to someone who is in need. Life is hard, and applying ourselves to the things set before us can be difficult. It is also character-growing to be able to take the sometimes sucky circumstances we find ourselves in and make them into something better – and the tool to do that is so often our attitude.

So stand out from the crowd. Be different! And if you do, do it because you want to. I have learned that having someone telling you to be disciplined doesn’t necessarily motivate you to be. It’s not enough if motivation is only external – it has to come from the heart. But in the end, that really becomes your strength to keep going, because you are the one striving for it, the one making the choice to go harder, longer, and farther than you ever have before.

I’ve never been in labour, but I have heard that it is hard. Like, really, really painful. I am pretty sure that no woman who has ever been in labour liked the painful process of giving birth, but they liked and loved the precious result. Like labour*, disciplining myself to do the splits on the floor (ha, not that I can fully do the splits yet) is not easy or fun. Working on a paper and keeping myself from getting distracted is not fun either. But if the result is that I get more flexible, and finish that paper on time with a decent mark and a bit of a sense of accomplishment, then that is totally worth it. If I do hard things and come out with the knowledge that I have stretched myself and grown, then that is one step closer to becoming someone better** and more mature, and I am all for that. I am finished with accepting a mediocre attitude that doesn’t want to do what is right. Even if the apathy is tempting, or is present around me, I would rather stand my ground and say that I want to do what I want to do – in the sense that I want to do what is healthy and best for me. It is good to reject unhealthy attitudes, and go with what will ultimately benefit us, even when it’s hard to make a change.

I pray that God will solidify what He has helped to spring up in my heart tonight. I pray that it will grow and produce good character in me, allowing me to grow and become more mature, and that this might help inspire people to also take up the challenges that come their way. God is awesome, and I aspire to be more like Him, even though I am infinitely far beneath Him in His complete perfection. I know that He is with me, and I am so thankful that He is helping me see and address unhealthy attitudes that have lay hidden and caused damage in the past. I thank God for what He has planted in me, and that it has finally started to show. J

Challenges are ramps, not walls. If you approach them right, they can lift you higher than you ever were before.

~ one of my former study skills coaches

*I am in no way saying that doing the splits is comparable to labour – I am sure that the latter is much, much worse!!

**As in, bettering myself by building character. J