Romantic Movie

Most of the time, I guess I live normally. But sometimes I wonder, what kind of person am I really?

Then I look inside, and I see that I’m really not happy without God. I’m not happy unless my life is surrendered to Him.

Picture the end of a romantic movie: there’s a girl and her lover, a man who loves her so much. She has made the hard decision inside herself to walk away to a bright and shining life. Part of her wants to stay with him, but she also wants to go. She is going to go after her dreams, the things that she has always wanted to do; and then, maybe if there’s time, perhaps if life allows, she will come back and look for him. She is walking away from him towards a future that looks bright and happy – but inside she feels gray and horrible. The audience is screaming, “NO, NOOOO! You belong with him! STAY, YOU FOOL! GAHH!”

                Now, if it’s a good movie (subjective use of ‘good’ ;), she will realize that she will only ever be happy with him. No matter how much excitement and adventure and money the world can offer her, she will have better adventures in her love with him. Even if she has to abandon the life of shining dreams she think she wants in order to be with him, she will eventually realize that those dreams are plastic, and could never measure up to the reality of staying with someone who loves her. 

                But sometimes in the real world (and sometimes in movies), we walk away. And as I know from experience, God is always waiting for us. But I don’t want to lose the real adventure of living my life with God, even for a little bit.

                Sometimes I feel like I am the girl walking away. I am distracted by other things, or burdened by worries. I flounder in my mediocrity. And I so badly want to be able to get un-distracted and have my focus completely turned back to God, so I can receive the love from Him that I so desperately need. I don’t want to keep analyzing my problems, but I just want to go back to Him (because I have realized that I can’t figure out my problems and solve them by myself).  So if you would pray for anything, could you pray for that? Because I want to go back and be with my Lover. 

Postscript: A little something I realized tonight is just the fact that God is the lover.  He doesn't change even though we might be confused and walk away.  He is still pursuing us, loving us.  Though sometimes I feel like I might be that girl in the movie, God's identity is still the same, and overshadows my troubles and my fears.  God is the lover, and He is never going away.